danniperson

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Horror films have been part of my life for as long as I can remember. The really good stuff, too. Gore splattered on the screen. Genitalia hanging loose. Sex, and murder, hand-in-hand.

The primary reason for this was that my father wanted to watch horror films, and we as a family did what my father wanted. My mother never stopped it, because she didn't believe in censoring anything. The world is what it is; she was never going to hide us from any of it.

For years, my brother and I would cover our eyes with our hands when two characters so much as kissed onscreen. Not because our parents told us to; society had sunk its claws in early, regardless of my parents' will. We peeked between our fingers; we wanted to give the illusion of purity without actually partaking in it.

Our parents weren't always present when we watched horror films. As a child it would sometimes be just my brother and I watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Nightmare on Elm Street or the Chucky franchise.

I've never killed anyone. Not with a chainsaw, not with an axe, not with a gun, not with my hands. I've never killed anyone, ever. I've never wanted to. I don't even believe in the death penalty.

Being exposed to violent media never made me violent.

Did it alter me in any way, being exposed to such extreme media so young? Who knows. Maybe. I don't know who I would be without it. I've never known life without it. But I like to think I'm a decent person. I don't commit crimes. I try to be nice to people. I'm a hard worker. I'm pretty goofy.

It's also made me pretty anti-censorship and...well. Some people might see that as a crime; as a sin. And in that case, well, you might as well ban everything to prevent people like me from existing.

(You don't actually think that will work, do you?)

(I hope not; I did say this post was for adults only, didn't I?)

I read Flowers in the Attic...young. I was 9 or 10 maybe. It was before I discovered fanfiction. It never gave me unseemly feelings towards my brother or my parents; it never gave me the urge to lock up small children, or poison them.

At age 11, I discovered fanfiction. It was a happy accident from Googling "Harry Potter" and somehow stumbling on an explicit Drarry fic.

Should I have read that fic at age 11? No. But that's my fault for lying about my age. It's my parents' fault for not paying me any mind. It wasn't the fic's fault for existing.

The whole world isn't child-safe and it never will be. It's the responsibility of caretakers to mind their wards; not the world's responsibility to tiptoe around you and your rules.

The real world doesn't have content warnings. There is no tagging system for real life. And real life is much more dangerous than fanfiction.

Soon after reading that Drarry fic, I moved onto Snarry. I dove right into the deep end. I inhaled dead dove content at lightning speed. You couldn't pry me away from it.

11 year old Danni understood what an E rating meant. 11 year old Danni also understood what fiction meant.

I've never looked at a minor sideways. I've never wanted to. I've never touched anyone without clear and enthusiastic consent.

In fact, and this might be TMI, but I've only ever been with 2 people in my life. My first time was at age 18, with a guy I'd been with for a year and who I was engaged to.

All around, I was what one might call a "good kid"; I studied, I went to school, I didn't party, I didn't sneak out, I didn't do drugs. I skipped school once my senior year and other than that my worst crime was lying about my age to read questionable content.

Watching monsters onscreen and reading about them in books never made me a monster.

Or, well...I do spend my time writing underage stories, and non-con, and the occasional incest. I write infidelity and horrific angst. I write about morally questionable content, and that's as good as actually doing those things, right?

So if that's how you see it, maybe I am a monster. The monster putting words to page for others to read and enjoy.

If you're a wannabe monster hunter, and if fictional wrongdoing is as evil as real wrongdoing, then you might as well go after the easier target, right? You won't actually save the world that way, but you can pat yourself on the back for a job well done, I guess.

So while the torches and pitchforks are being prepped and the Tiktoks uploaded, I'm gonna go continue working on my very messed up porn. Just like I always have, and always will.

~Fin~