danniperson

My mental health was on the upswing for a minute there.

I wrote a good bit. I became very inspired by genderswaps out of seemingly nowhere. I had a nice curated rec list from a friend so I came into some very good ones. I even wrote a few myself. I get why it's not everyone's cup of tea, as it wasn't mine for years and years, but I've come to appreciate it as a new lens through which to view beloved characters and also ships--somehow my love of Snarry has multiplied, which I didn't think possible, as they've been my OTP for 20+ years. And yet, exploring them in new ways has opened my eyes to many possibilities, and also to how perfect they are for each other in every iteration.

My first foray into genderswap was years ago, actually, born of old biases about genderswap. How I thought people just did it to turn slash ships het, and how I'd "allow" it if we made it femslash instead. I wrote a fic where I genderswapped the entire cast which was pretty fun, but I hadn't taken it seriously until the past few months.

My first real exploration was a Snarriet fic, where I applied my usual Snarry formula to a Snarriet instead. And boy am I in love with that fic. It began with a prompt I've long had in the back of my mind: Severus publicly bragging about bedding the famous Harry Potter. (I love my man awful, okay?) The next was another prompt I'd been sitting on for a while, which was a teen pregnancy Snarry...apparently these two prompts needed me to be in my Snarriet game.

Funny how that works...Stories you want to write, but you're missing key elements at the time, and so you have to wait until magic strikes.

I wrote a fem!Severus for Kinktober, another point of pride for me. And another femslash Snarry for Snarry AUctober Fest. That story came out of me like a demon and I finished it just in time for the fest!

I've been working on so much lately. I posted a few works for Kinktober. Made progress on a few WIPs.

Then...the U.S. election happened. I'm too horrified and disgusted and terrified to feel very inspired at all. Maybe those feelings will wane as time goes on, but for now...for now I at least have fics to read instead of write.

Actually, in the midst of all this awful news, I got some good news the other day...that a long abandoned fic began updating again after 13 years! Nights of Gethsemane has been one of my favorite Snarries since it first posted, and now the sequel looks like it will finally be finished! It's a good time for me to reread NoG and Invictus and the sequel. And probably every other long beloved Snarry fic out there. I could do with a good escape from the world.

I also, for a time, seemed to be properly healing from all the Pacify drama, and now...I guess all the terrible news of late has opened every old wound I've ever had. I want to scream at the world and beg people to stop, to keep all Pacify talk to their server, and let me just be free of it. I can't do that, of course, but I want to. I want people to know what they're getting into with that one. It's so...everything is so much right now, I guess.

Worst of all is how so many people I know in real life have dropped their masks since the election results came in. So much hatred and ugliness everywhere. It makes me glad for my fandom spaces, where the people are so much kinder; open-minded and empathetic; people just as worried as I am. People who understand and don't make me feel crazy for being so upset.

I feel so lost right now, in a way. And I've never been gladder for fandom, with the escape it provides, and the friendships I've made through it.